Another Monday. I’m having one of those periods of time where life is feeling monotonous again. Day in, day out, my days pretty much look the same and are very predictable. I can’t help but feeling that part of my anxiety about this comes from living life looking “in” rather that living in the moment and experiencing everything fully. It’s hard to describe what I’m feeling, I guess right now I feel like I’m an observer rather than a participant in my life. As depressing as all of this sounds, I’m generally happy right now. I’m just struggling to figure out where I want things to fall into place and who I truly, truly am at this point.
I realized over the weekend that I depend on others to make decisions for me. And it seems to primarily be over the little things, like going out or picking a place to meet. It’s funny, I don’t want to make decisions, but I also hate getting into situations and feeling out of control. That is an anomaly. Do I want to be in control and make all of the decisions, or do I just want to go along for the ride?
Control is not real. I can’t actually be 100% in control. I can steer my life and my day to day to the best of my ability, and the rest is up to the universe. But, the only thing I do have control over is my decisions and my choices. I can decide what to do each day and I can choose to be happy and content in that decision. I guess I’m still struggling with trusting myself.
Maybe that’s why I leave decisions up to someone else. Decision-making still makes me uncomfortable and fearful. I’d rather blame someone else for things not going well than hate myself for making the wrong call. And, that is the honest truth about it. Even though there’s no such thing as perfect or “right”. Every situation can be labeled. That’s another choice I have. I can call it whatever I like. But deciding to shed positive light on the situations in my life is a heck of a lot more productive and healthy than shedding negative light on everything and feeling regret and anxiety.
I want to live my life. I want to be an active participant. I want to love everyday and know that I lived it to the fullest. That’s life. This is life. Right now. There’s nothing better around the corner, and tomorrow is not promised.
Get on it, Monday.
It’s another first of the month. I don’t even want to recap the month of June because it was a time filled with so many ups and downs, devastations and loss. There were of course many good things about June: personally, I worked hard to stay healthy, maintained my normally active lifestyle, and spent a lot of time with good friends and family.
As I was typing this, I realized we are also exactly halfway through 2013. That in itself is a crazy notion to me. If you had asked me in January what life would look like in 6 months, I would certainly have been way, way off.
Regardless, new months are new beginnings. And I am to make the last six months of this year even better than the first. I’m going to end this post on a positive note, by laying out what I have to be thankful for and what I have to look forward to in the coming weeks:
- Only 3 1/2 days of going into work this week!
- 4th of July is Thursday…Yay America and yay summertime
- Already have TWO bike rides planned for this week, I’m pretty pumped about that
- Beach trip on Saturday
- Pontoon boat rental #daydrinking
- Several books in the line-up for this month. I plan on getting some leisure reading done in the next few weeks.
- Moving to my new house in a few weeks…complete with huge, fenced in yard and an awesome kitchen!
- Starting over. Starting fresh. Taking deep breaths and taking one. day. at. a. time.
And some Monday Motivation/Truths :
Bring it, July.
I was quite exhausted and sleepy yesterday after a very active and fun weekend, so I didn’t remember to do a “Monday Motivation” post, which I’ve decided is something I’d like to keep doing on a weekly basis. To say I’m going through a rough patch life- and career-wise right now is putting it lightly. I feel like so many thing are up in the air and I’m a bit lost. I also am coming to terms with the fact that the somewhat planned trajectory I had envisioned for the next 2 years is not going to happen the way I anticipated. With all of these emotions and uncertainties in my head, it’s been extremely difficult to find motivation to get back to what I consider to be normal. When I don’t have a clear cut goal in my head (either long- or short-term), it’s hard to know where to start and what to do.
What better time to throw some motivation out there…
Remember. Look for the positives, look at all I have to be thankful for and excited about.
Don’t stop. Keep my momentum and let it be my guide.
So go out, and do the things you know you want to do. Don’t let others tell you that you are wrong.
Successive approximation to achieve my goals. It cannot all happen at once.
Even though Monday is basically over, I still needed to start this week off on the right foot. There are some personal things going on right now that have been taking up a lot of mental and physical energy and time, which is why I’m not writing as much. As I think about it, it’s probably during these times that I would benefit from writing the most, if only to get my thoughts out of my head for a little while.
Regardless, I wanted to share a few thoughts/quotes/images that are inspiring and motivating me on this glorious summer Monday…
1. I always find myself saying this during tough workouts! It’s so true, and it really puts things into perspective. Even when it has nothing to do with working out, when things get tough don’t quit, it won’t last forever and you’ll be stronger for sticking with it.
2. My mom and I talked a lot this weekend about how everyone has a role to play in life. It may not seem very obvious when you’re in the middle of difficult circumstances, but if you just step back a moment and try to see outside of yourself, you realize how true it is. What might seem like a pointless situation really does have a purpose and if you can’t see it, then look harder. Learn from everything, because, why not?
3. I aim to work on my attitude right now. I say I’m “stressed”, “busy”, “spent”…WAY too much. It’s not good for me, it’s not good for the people around me. The more I say those words, the more true they become. And I want to remember that.
4. My dog. How would I ever get by without his sweet cuddles? He’s the best way to start and end each day. No matter what happens in between.