Having some crazy insomnia this morning. Not only can I not fall back to sleep, but also my mind races with every though imaginable. I’m thinking about the day ahead, the bootcamp workout I’ve got this morning, cleaning house and grocery shopping with my roommate tonight. Then I started thinking about Saturday’s agenda.

I’ve come to the striking realization that I have trouble (a lot of trouble) staying present in the moment. And I’m not just referring to mornings when I can’t sleep. I’m constantly looking for distraction from living in the moment. I live for the next workout, the next meal, the next meeting, the next weekend, or just the next time I get to go to bed. Next, next, next…

And to pass time at work I check social media. I read things that are not work-related. I plan my workout. I find focusing on the here and now to be very difficult feat. Another thing is, I can’t even watch a television show without checking my phone and looking at facebook and twitter constantly. It’s like watching TV is not “stimulating” enough of a distraction for me.

I feel like what I need to address is why I am avoiding the present moment, and why it’s so hard for me to constantly need to know the future. As I type this I remember how my anxiety-type personalities needs some sort of structure and ability to predict. It calms me to know what’s going to happen next and when. But I think there’s a fine line where this seemingly healthy “structure” can go into overdrive and ruin what is supposed to be a happy, healthy life.

I really don’t want time to pass by me. I want to pay attention to each and every day. If the past 3 months have taught me anything, it’s that I need to appreciate every day, every person, and every experience that comes my way. Life is a wonderful thing. And the best part about it is that it is my choice on how I live it. Our lives are the one thing that truly no one can change for us. We get to decide how to live. We get the full experience of every day. So why not make the most of it?

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